the outside does not always match the inside.

Every time I begin to type a new entry I am filled with the notion to delete it or sugar coat it so that everything seems okay. I have now come to realize after months of this same action playing out over and over again that it is not worth it to seem put together or okay when you are really not AND this is my blog lol. There are issues happening so deep in my life right now that I would need to dig for years to really get out of. I have been out of work for months now and at first it was great to be a stay at home mom. I enjoyed every minute of the day with my little guy. Now, not much has changed I still enjoy spending my time with my toddler, but I feel that it is time for him to go to a learning center at least a couple of days a week . I think he should spend time with other children his own age and be socialized while learning new things. I also am ready to go back to work and make my own money. Yes I am married and yes I am authorized to spend his money, but I do not like checking in with how much I have spent or why I need to spend it. When it is my money that I am spending I spend it the way that I see fit and I don't run it by anyone as long  as the bills are paid and my son had everything he needs. This whole being dependent on someone else is not how I was raised and it makes me feel more insecure than I ever thought it might.
My little toddler is everywhere into everything being the best thing I have ever had a part in ! Being a mommy has to be my greatest accomplishment to date and I would not trade or give this up for anything. He shows me new sides of me and learns new things and concepts everyday. We are thinking of trying again after Jeremiah's birthday in December BUT if I feel like I feel right now we will be staying a threesome for much longer than anticipated. I can't believe he is already 15 months old  (almost) where has the time gone.

Nursing school starts soon, scared, terrified, excited I have bipolar emotions about this lol. Bring on the fun, brain teasers. It is something about being able to set an example that even though there are set backs one can continue and be successful and who knows if nursing school goes well I might continue on to medical school. MAYBE lol don't hold me to it. I can just see this post coming back to haunt me .

Marriage is really really freaking hard. It is stressful, time consuming sometimes heartbreaking but even though I am feeling a little broken right now this is all worth it. I hate fighting, feeling like i've lost my backbone somewhere in this process of life however  I can feel myself rebuilding so my husband better be ready when I come back to my usual self if he thinks i've been speaking up lately he has not seen anything yet.

I have finally got serious about loosing weight. Once I get some extra money I am joining weight watchers I need to be held visually accountable but until then I can count calories, eat better, and get much more exercise than I do. I don't need a gym membership or a points plus system I can do this by myself I think this broken self has just finally shown me that if I want it then it is my own fault if I am not successful at it.

Anyway really this time I am going to try and be more open with myself and my feelings here . I wish that there was a whole food store around here, kroger it is.
  • Current Music
    20/20 experience by Justin Timberlake

today's dinner

I made home made enchiladas today with home made guacamole . It was long well the hardest part was making the guacamole from scratch. Who would have thought that peeling and halving avocados would be so hard! It tasted really good I will link both recipes and I made no changes with either this time except I omitted the corn.
 Guacamole :

I am pooped after this meal lol. Now I see why restaurants charge so much for fresh guacamole.
Today was a very long day in my personal life . I just hope that out of this crazy situation blooms great happiness at the end of this fiasco.
  • Current Music
    adorn - Miguel

two day update

I forgot to update my journal sorry guys. So tuesday I made Chicken and broccoli alfredo but I chose to use mini penne pasta instead of the fettuccine noodles.  Here is the original recipe with the directions mainly for making the sauce :


  • 24 ounces dry fettuccini pasta
  • 1 cup butter
  • 3/4 pint heavy cream
  • salt and pepper to taste
  • 1 dash garlic salt
  • 3/4 cup grated Romano cheese
  • 1/2 cup grated Parmesan cheese


  1. Bring a large pot of lightly salted water to a boil. Add fettuccini and cook for 8 to 10 minutes or until al dente; drain.
  2. In a large saucepan, melt butter into cream over low heat. Add salt, pepper and garlic salt. Stir in cheese over medium heat until melted; this will thicken the sauce.
  3. Add pasta to sauce. Use enough of the pasta so that all of the sauce is used and the pasta is thoroughly coated. Serve immediately.
Here are my changes and additions:
I only used 1/2 a cup of butter and it wasn't unsalted . I did not use any garlic salt I used garlic powder, onions and 2 cloves of garlic instead. I used a whole pint of whipping cream instead of 3/4 pint. I did not have Romano cheese instead I used Parmesan mozzarella and ricotta cheese.  I only used a  about 14ozs of penne pasta noodles and that was even too much I would use maybe 13oz . I also added 3 chicken breasts that I sauteed ( 4 mins on each side on medium to low heat) and a bag of frozen broccoli. I also made garlic bread.

When I was making the sauce I melted the butter first, sauteed my onions and 2 cloves of garlic in the butter , then I added the pint of whipping cream and 2 tablespoons of flour ( you could add lemon juice to thicken it up as well) and then I slowly added in my blend of cheeses.  This recipe turned out great! So tasty and even reheated well the next day. It says it serves four but 5 or 6 people could eat off of these measurements.


I made  chicken dish that my aunt usually makes when she comes to visit.
1 cup of butter
2 cans of cream of  mushroom soup
1/2 can of cream of chicken soup
any type of cheese you want
2 cups bread crumbs


Butter your pan, then layer the bottom of the pan with cut up uncooked chicken breast,  put your Cream Of Mushroom Soup and cream of chicken soup on top of chicken, put  whatever type of cheese you want I used mozzarella and Parmesan cheese on top of soup, slice butter on top of cheese, then top it off with Bread Crumbs ( I used 1 cup regular and 1 cup of Italian herb ). Cook for 1 hour 30mins at 335 degrees.

It was yum yum yum !

Let me know if you guys try any of these recipes or have any other go to recipes that you think I should try. I think I am making chicken enchiladas and home made guacamole tonight for dinner.

cooking week 2

After a week of cooking, saturday my husband made me breakfast in bed I appreciated it. So today starts week number two for cooking and I started it out with chicken parm with home made sauce and spagetti pasta. Terrell still thinks that I have my grandma hiding in a closet and when he leaves she comes out and cooks . If you knew my grandma and her wonderful cooking you would know what a huge compliment that is to be told that what I am cooking taste as great as what she does.

The last time I posted I wrote about cooking the famous butter chicken. The chicken tasted great but I won't be using that recipe again. The breading did not stay on and the butter flavor was over powering . So I put it back in the oven and sprinkled some parm cheese over it and it tasted much better.  I did change the chicken parm recipe a little I didnt add the olives to the sauce, I used half the amount of bread crumbs and half the amount of garlic. It was really good and the sauce had a little bit of a kick because it had some crushed red pepper tossed in. Choosing recipes actually is alot more fun now that I have figured out how to add or take away to make it my own. It is  flattering as well to see Terrell come home from work and go straight to the kitchen to see what it is that I have cooked .  Yay to appreciative husbands and even more yay to being able to cook what I want.

In other news , my son is 9 months old. I cannot believe his  birthday is right around the corner. We recently bought him walking shoes with the little bells and I think by this time next month he will be walking unassisted. He has all but abandoned his baby food and only wants what we are eating. He is almost exclusively drinking from a sippy cup. He has such a big personality and I am over joyed everyday to be able to say he is my son.

Tomrrow I think I have decided to make chicken and broccoli alfredo.
  • Current Mood
    in love

Cooking day # 4

I have now consitantly without being asked cooked and enjoyed dinner all week and I am feeling impowered. Yesterday I made the French's Crunchy Chicken and it was DELISH! It was so good that Terrell asked me to make it again on saturday. I had planned to do Chicken and Broccoli with home made alfredo sauce but you have to give the fan (s) what they want lol.  The recipe is printed on every french's container so I won't re-write it here but I will tell you what I changed. I used half the amount of french's fried onions and subsituted in italian bread crumbs with garlic cloves. I also shaved 10 mintues off of the cooking time and turned the chicken mid way through so that they would cook evenly. Today I am making Famous Butter and Garlic Chicken wiith broccoli rice. Wish me luck! What has been going on with you guys give me and update.
  • Current Mood
    productive productive

Last night's meal

Last night I made chicken au gratin bake with broccoli and it turned out very well. Here is the recipe :

bag (14 oz) Green Giant Select® frozen broccoli florets, thawed and drained
box (7.8 oz) Betty Crocker® Deluxe creamy Cheddar au gratin potatoes
cups boiling water
tablespoons margarine or butter
cup milk
boneless skinless chicken breast halves (1 1/4 lb)
slices (1 oz each) Cheddar cheese, cut diagonally in half

1. Heat oven to 400ºF. Spray 11x7-inch baking dish or 2-quart casserole with cooking spray. 2. Spread broccoli in baking dish. Stir Potatoes, Sauce Mix, Cheese Sauce, boiling water and margarine in medium bowl. Stir in milk. Spread over broccoli. Place chicken breast halves on potato mixture. 3.Bake uncovered 30 minutes. Place cheese slices on chicken. Sprinkle with Topping. Bake 3 to 5 minutes longer or until cheese is melted and juice of chicken is no longer pink when centers of thickest pieces are cut. Let stand 5 minutes or until sauce is as thick as desired.

I did a few things differently. I covered the dish for the full 30 mins and then took it out , uncovered it and sprinkled a four cheese blend on top and did not add the cheese slices. I also did not put the broccoli on the bottom but I mixed the potatoes and broccoli together and then layered the chicken on top. It turned out very well. My husband again had multiple plates and informed me that I will be cooking from now on if I keep this up lol. It was gratifying to here him be pleased with not only my effort but with the taste of dinner. On to today. I am making the French's Crunchy Onion Chicken. I am making it with garlic mashed potatoes and french green beans. I will update tomorrow on how it goes.
  • Current Mood
    accomplished accomplished

cooking now

So after much thought and since I am Full time SAHM/ student now I told my husband that I would try to cook atleast 3-4 times a week. I feel as though not only will that take some burden off of him to come home and then cook after a long day . Plus I am a pretty decent cook I am finding out and this could be fun. I also do not want jeremiah assuming that we will be going out to get some fast food dinner every night when mommy and daddy can both cook. I can follow directions, I can improvise and now I am going to write about my cooking experiences in my journal.

Yesterday I made Beef Tips and brown rice with gravy. It was so tasty . Here is the recipe that was used and I will tell you where I added or took away:
1 1/2 pound sirloin tip roast, trimmed of visible fat - sliced into 1/2 inch cubes
1 packet beefy onion soup mix
1 can (10 ounce size) cream of chicken soup
1 can (15 ounce size) reduced-sodium beef broth
4 1/2 cups cooked long grain rice

Place beef cubes into prepared crock pot.

Stir in remaining ingredients.

Cover and cook on slow cooker for 7 to 8 hours.

Serve over cooked rice.

I added an extra can of cream of chicken soup so that the gravy would be thicker without me having to add flour or cornstarch. Also make sure you use the reduced-sodium broth and soup otherwise it will be salty. The meat was tender, flavorful, and the brown rice added an extra twist to it. I would recommend this recipe found on the cdk website and I will be using it again It was so good that my husband called my grandma to make sure she didn't come cook it herself lol. Ofcourse she didn't I did and I am proud of me! My husband had two plates and took some to work this morning for lunch. My 9 month old seemed to enjoy it too, well from the little bit we gave him from our plates lol.

Today I am making Au Gratin Chicken Bake and I will update later on the response from that dish.
  • Current Mood
    cheerful cheerful

side note

I know this may sound odd or even a tad bit childish but whoever it is that keeps calling my husband around 10pm at night is making me super jealous that he is taking their phone calls. Long gone are the days where me and j sit on the phone for long periods of time mostly because at some point we know we will both be at home together. However, there was once a time where his was the very last call I would take for the day and I almost expected his to be the very first call I received the next morning. So it is strange to me that he is spending time with anyone outside of me on the phone for more than 5 or 10 mins. Feel free to correct me if I am wrong or scold me for acting like a jealous school girl. I just find it kinda weird and a little unnerving but I refuse to ask who it is or to know what they talk about. I just had to let this thought out as I continue to procrastinate and not write my psychology paper. UGH some things never change.
  • Current Mood
    annoyed annoyed

somethings got to give

After much delay I am here again to give a summary of life since the last time I posted. We bought a house in April in dallas, ga and we loooooove it. It is three bedrooms, 3 bathrooms, a almost finished basement , two door garage two story home with a huge backyard in a wonderful semi-suburban neighborhood. Jeremiah is almost 8 months old, babbling saying da da , crawling, trying to walk and eating solids and drinking out of a sippy cup my little boy is growing up so fast. His first two bottom teeth are almost all the way in so that makes for some sleepless nights but it could be much worse . I love being a mommy. I no longer work for jcpenney and i start working at wellstar on sept 1 and i am excited. As soon as i finish my psychology degree I can start nursing school and I can't wait. I miss my friends I feel like I havnt seen some of them in years even though we still communicate it would be nice for a face to face catch up maybe I will start utilizing skype . Life is good and I am looking forward to the future.